Sucks the comments people made here won’t transfer to the new blog.

Name: “500 to Life”

New site: http://www.kcrg.com/blog/aaronhepker

I’ve been pretty bad about updating this — due to lack of energy at the end of the day. I have been pretty bad the last week and a half about working out and exercising. I attribute it to a busy past few weeks at work, but I’m really trying to break the habit of being a bum once I’m done with work for the day — regardless of how hectic the day was. Easier said than done.

On Thursday, I had my first weigh-in (following my initial weigh-in at the start of March) during my second consultation with my dietitian. I had no idea what to expect. In fact, I didn’t have much confidence that any progress has been made. I was not looking forward to stepping on the scale. As I stood on the scale waiting for the reading, I started thinking about how pissed off I’d be if there wasn’t any change after making some drastic changes in my life.

The changes paid off.

I lost 12 pounds in three-in-a-half weeks (I’ve lost a few pounds since then based on my scale at home — but I’ll go with the 12 pounds for now). Four pounds a week. At that rate, I’d be down 200 pounds in a year. I digress …

Comparing that 12 pounds to how much I want to lose to reach my goal weight — well, it’s kind of depressing to be perfectly honest. It seems like such a distant goal to reach, almost makes it seem impossible. But I’ve recently found some additional motivation to help me continue with this little endeavor.

This past Wednesday marked one-month since I had my last pop or fast-food. Not to pat myself on the back, but I’m proud that I’ve made it this long. There have been a few times I’ve been tempted to get some fast-food just because it was quick and easy to do (and b/c I forgot my dinner for work). I want to see how long I can keep this streak going.

The “no drinking” streak came to an end last night. I caved and had a celebratory drink with some co-workers following an awards banquet in the Twin Cities. It wasn’t a beer, so I don’t feel too guilty. It was going to happen eventually, I’m amazed I made it through St. Patrick’s Day without having a drink.

I surprised myself (and now as I write this, I realize I may have embarrassed myself more-so than anything) by stepping out of my “comfort zone” by recently discussing my weight and this blog with a friend. I know there are people who I actually know who read this blog, I know they are reading it — they tell me they are reading it. The blog almost serves as a buffer though, I’m not talking to my audience face to face; I can’t see their immediate reactions. I’ve never talked to anyone about this face to face … It’s been via email, text message, Twitter, Facebook, commenting, etc. But having a conversation about it, well that was a first — and it was with someone I never imagined I’d ever open up to about this subject (and regrettably many more), mainly because I don’t want to look weak (read: pride).

I still don’t have the guts to post pictures of myself on here. Perhaps I’ll man-up one of these days.

It’s been a good month.

42,000 calories burned. 938,000 to go.

This blog is moving to its new home: http://www.kcrg.com/blog/aaronhepker

I’ll be posting there from now on. Your supportive comments are welcome there, too.

I’ve walked the same route several times this week, each time either extending the route or trying to “beat” my previous time walking the route. I not only have been able to get farther, I’ve been able to cut about three minutes off the amount of time it takes me to do that route. I do however need to set a standard that I stick to in measuring improvement, so I think I’ll base it off of time, rather than distance, as in “how far can I walk in xx amount of time”.

I find myself quite confused about my walking situation. This past summer I visited Philadelphia and Manhattan and did a lot of walking, hours of it. I feel like I’m in better shape today than I was then, but didn’t have too many problems walking around then. I think I’d probably drop dead if I walked that much now. It’s an enigma. Several years ago, I walked around Ann Arbor for close to six hours in the rain one afternoon. Again, I don’t think I could do today. Weird.

The past few nights, I’ve been sleeping like a baby. And I don’t feel like I need to sleep 10 hours each night to get energized. The last week or so I’ve been getting about six hours of good, quality sleep each night. Before it was anywhere from 8-10 hours of restless, interrupted sleep.

While I’m on the subject of sleeping… I did not sleep my weekend away. It used to be that I would spend the majority of one of days off doing nothing; sleeping, lounging around, etc. That didn’t happen this weekend and it actually felt like I didn’t waste the weekend.

One of my friends described this weight loss “adventure” as a battle. I thought that was a bit much, but I guess it isn’t that far off. I had my first conflict on Saturday night. Mt. Dew once again reared its ugly head. Before I get to that, I guess I didn’t share my “run in” with Mt. Dew earlier this week. While I was grocery shopping at Hy-Vee, I ended up in the pop aisle and passed by a display for Mt. Dew.

As dumb as this sounds, I stared down the display. I stood there for a minute or two just staring at the pop. I didn’t want it. But I just stared it down. I know it sounds really dumb, and I must have looked insane to other people in the store. I was staring at the pop just thinking about how much I’ve probably drank and how much money I’ve spent over the years on it. It just irritated me. Then I moved on in my shopping venture.

Back to Saturday night: I was helping with the KCRG 9.2 live production of some show choir competition. As part of the crew, we get fed. Turkey subs – not bad. But the drinking choices: Mt. Dew or Pepsi – and I couldn’t find a drinking fountain anywhere around. I came very close to drinking the Mt. Dew out of thirst, but that voice in my head told me no. Yes, I know a glass of pop wouldn’t be the end of the world – but it represented much more than that. Had I drank it, it would have represented a failure on my part, one of many in my past attempts at weight loss. It would have bothered me for quite a long time. I decided I’d rather go thirsty. Eventually we got hooked up with some bottled water, which I drank like a camel. Victory is mine.

It’s been seven days since my awakening, based on my performance over the last week – I’m optimistic for the future.

The support I’ve gotten from friends, family and even strangers on Twitter has really surprised me. Again, I didn’t think I’d get any negative feedback, but the amount of positive feedback and who I have been getting it from has really served to motivate me. Thank you.

I’ve talked to the powers that be at work and it sounds like this blog will be ending up on KCRG.com. I hope the anonymous commenters aren’t too harsh on me. I still haven’t been able to get myself to post this link on my Facebook profile, b/c that will put this out there to an audience that I know. It’s strange, I’m perfectly comfortable in posting this and getting feedback from strangers and a close group of friends and family – but I’m too chicken to post this for my social network on Facebook.

Tomorrow begins week two of this journey.

I wanted to be weighed. I had the number 420 in my head, just a random estimate based on the last time I was weighed in at 360 lbs early on in college. I was horrified by the number I saw when I got on the scale. Simply horrified. I debated if I even wanted to post it on here. But I am. I made a commitment to myself, my friends and family in doing this that I would be honest. I feel like I need to work up the courage to even write this.

I weigh 500 pounds.

After the weigh in, I was taken into an examination room to wait to talk to my doctor. I was stunned. How in the hell have I gained 140 pounds in just a few years? I paused and thought to myself, “You’re lazy and eat crap.”

I never thought I’d be one of those people. You know exactly the type I’m talking about. The types that get stared at in public, the types you see on TV shows like Jerry Springer or Dr. Phil. I can’t believe I’m one of those people.

I talked to my doctor. It was very matter of fact and I honestly didn’t feel like I was talking to a doctor, he was very conversational and didn’t make me feel like crap. It’s something I’ll always appreciate.

The plan:
-2,000 calorie a day diet
-Exercise

Seems simply enough right? Simple is good.

He’s referred me to a dietician, as I have no clue about healthy eating and such. So, that should be beneficial. I meet with them on St. Patrick’s Day – a day I would typically be out drinking and celebrating with friends. I’ve decided to pass on that this year, at least the drinking part. Again, I digress…

I’m having blood work done soon so we know exactly where I stand with all that fun stuff. I can’t be ignorant about this stuff any more and I need to know where I am now so I can measure my progress.

On Wednesday and Thursday of this week, I sort of had an “internal battle” … thinking I was being dramatic in starting this blog, thinking I wasn’t that bad off. Not the case. At all.

After my appointment, I went out to my car and sat in the parking lot for a few minutes to soak in the number 500. Again, I was pretty ashamed of myself. Then I got mad at myself and out of anger, punched the side of my car (and it hurt like hell, second time I’ve done that in life – and again, this resulted in a dent), I must have looked like an idiot.

I drove around town for awhile, still in shock, just trying to process things. I finally realized that I could just be mad, or do something about it. So, I’m back at my apartment. I wanted to blog immediately so I could get things out before I moved on and started thinking I was over-reacting.

This afternoon, I’m making some calls to my insurance company, cleaning my apartment and looking at gyms.

I did the math, it takes 3,500 calories to lose a pound. I want to lose 280 pounds. 980,000 calories. Yep.

And here we go….

I’m on my fourth day of eating healthier, quality food. I guess calling it quality might be a bit of a stretch, but it’s still better than the crap I’d eat regular basis. I feel better, I really do. I notice the difference especially in the morning – I feel like I have energy to start the day, that’s something new to me. I’m in a better mood overall. I haven’t done all that much, it’s amazing to me.

I’ve got to figure out this food thing though. I’m eating oatmeal, a slice of bread with some PB&J on it and a glass of milk or orange juice for breakfast. (I never used to eat breakfast, so this is a change for me). I have a turkey sandwich and soup for lunch. For dinner, I’m just kind of winging it. I’ve been really good about watching my calories thanks to an app on my phone. I guess that’s something to be proud of. But, I need to expand my horizons and try some different things because repeating the same foods everyday will drive me nuts. I’m making it a point to try a different food each day. I tried asparagus on Tuesday, I think it was cooked with garlic (thanks for playing chef, Casey) and I actually liked it. I’m going to try a different, healthy food each day – my hope is to discover new foods that I’ll like. I’m being mindful of my food choices. That’s part of this equation.

Exercising is another part. When I finished work yesterday, I wanted to go home and lay around and relax. That’s what I always used to do. Look where it got me. I ended up going home and relaxing for a few hours and was really tempted to just go to bed. But then I re-read some of the emails/text messages I had received and it motivated me to do something. So, what did I do? I went to the grocery store.

As sad as it is, going grocery shopping had become a chore for me. Sort of ironic, don’t you think? I avoided buying foods that made me fat because I was too fat and lazy to buy them. It had gotten to the point that my back would hurt like hell, I’d get winded – I hated it. At three days in to my “transformation”, or as my co-worker called it “an awakening”, I could totally tell a difference walking around Hy-Vee last night. I wasn’t as sluggish, I did not get winded, I just felt better. And, I took the time to seek out healthier food. I bought vegetables, and they weren’t in a can. That is a first for me. I won’t bore you with my grocery list, but I can say the worst thing I ended up buying was a bag of Baked Lays.

So, where was the exercise? It was going to the grocery store. Sad, but it is better than what I had intended to do.

I can already feel a difference, as I said. Today, I’m wearing a pair of jeans out of necessity (laundry machine broken, last clean pair left). I hated these jeans because they were so tight, I felt like I was packed in a sardine can. They aren’t so tight today. That alone is another motivation – I’m seeing, feeling results after just four days.

Tomorrow, I go to the doctor for the first time in several years. I’d be lying if I said I was excited to find out exact numbers tomorrow. But, ignorance is no longer an option.

I saw this story late last night on CBS’ Up to the Minute, dude lost 180 pounds in a year, blogged about it and went skydiving to mark the occasion. I’ve always wanted to go skydiving, perhaps that is how I’ll celebrate? I don’t know, but I need to think of a way to celebrate when I reach my goal. Here’s the story: http://bit.ly/dEaXbB  Here’s his blog: http://bit.ly/fncwE3

Maybe I’ll do the flipcam/video blog thing too. And I’m appointing my friend Tracy to pimp my site out.

220. I’ll get there.

It’s as simple as that.

I’m 26 years old. I’ve been fat since about the time I was seven. Nearly 20 years. 20 years. On Saturday, March 5, 2011, I realized that for 76% of my life I’ve been fat. Something finally clicked in my head…

360 pounds. That’s how much I weighed the last time I actually weighed myself. I can’t honestly remember when that was but I think it was between 2004 and 2006. There’s only one person in my life that I’ve ever told how much I weigh, it was embarrassing to say the least. Now I’m putting it on a blog? But, I digress… I’m sure I weigh more than that now, realistically I’m sure I’m pushing, and probably have surpassed, the 400-pound mark.

I have man boobs. My pant size, I can’t believe I’m sharing this with the world, is 60. My waist is five feet around. Yeah. Makes reaching for that next slice of pizza sound really appealing, right?

I can’t walk short distances without needing to take a breather. I can’t sit in some booths at restaurants. I’m hesitant to sit on furniture for fear of it breaking (it has happened). I could go on and on about the things that I can’t do, it is a long list, but the one that is the hardest for me is the fact that I can’t play with my niece like I should be able to. She’s turning three in two months, about the time my first nephew is due.

Everyone has those awkward moments in life where they embarrass the hell out of themselves, we all remember them. Thinking about mine, it’s obvious a majority of them were related to/caused by my weight. So many embarrassing and traumatizing moments in my life because of my weight. Relationships with friends & family, my performance in college, my personality & mood, my finances, my career choices, relationships with women & my sex life (I’m putting all my cards on the table), where I live, what I wear, where I go … they all (and many more things) have been affected by my weight.

This past Saturday, I (along with my brother, sister, brother-in-law and niece) was visiting family in Ann Arbor, Michigan. One of my aunts hosted a dinner for my entire family (aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents), as it is a rare occasion that we all have the chance to get together. As part of the get together, my grandfather wanted to play home videos from our family vacations to Paw Paw Lake, Michigan. The first video was from Labor Day Weekend 1990, I was six at the time (and annoying as hell). I wasn’t fat at that point, or at least I don’t think I was, perhaps others have a different opinion … but I was a bit on the heavy side. I was running around, playing games, swimming, bugging my family – I was being a six-year-old.

Then my grandpa put in a tape from Labor Day 1997.

Same scene: family playing games, younger siblings and cousins playing on the beach and in the water, etc. Then, I saw myself as a 13-year-old. I was fat. I was bigger than all of the adults. In fact, I had to look away from the screen so I didn’t see myself. I played it off like I was embarrassed. One of my aunts told me that HDTVs distort images, so people look shorter and wider. She was trying to be nice. I was disgusted at what I saw. I literally felt like throwing up – that’s never happened to me before when I’ve seen pictures of myself in the past.

I know I’m fat, I see it on a daily basis – and somehow, it had become acceptable to me. I’ve seen pictures of myself in the past, but somehow accept that I’m fat – that’s just how it has always been. Nothing new. During my time with SourceMedia/KCRG-TV9 since 2001, I’ve been on TV numerous times. You’d think I’d be self-conscious about being fat and being on TV … again, it’s something I simply accepted as fact and moved on. I got made fun of, I got talked to by family/friends/my doctor – but it never really meant much to me. I just accepted that I was fat – and that’s how it was.

I’ve tried losing weight before. In fact, when I was 17, I started jogging one night for the heck of it and continued to do so on a nightly basis for a few months. I lost 75 pounds in just a few months without realizing it. It came back. Then college came along – with that came freedom, food and beer. I lost my job with KCRG-TV9 in 2006 and went in to a deep depression – I went off the deep end and moved to Michigan for a few months – and ate a lot. Ended up back at ISU, and ate a lot. Got my first job after college, back at KCRG (thank god), and ate a lot. I’ve got a desk job, I don’t do much – you do the math.

Now back to this past Saturday…

After our family get together, I ended up going over to my cousin’s house to hang out, catch up and spend the night. He and I were up until around 4 a.m., just talking about life. We didn’t even talk about my weight issues, but I was thinking about them after watching our family videos. As we were talking, I started thinking about how my cousin is now 20-years-old and how fast time flies by.

Then, it happened.

I realized he was born around the time I started (or so I think) to get fat. He has only known me as being fat – and it has prevented us from doing things. Then, like a ripple effect, I thought about how my younger siblings have only known me as being fat. Again, we’ve missed out on doing some things because I’m fat. For the first time in my life, I stopped looking at my weight as a day-to-day issue. I’m fat today, I was fat yesterday, the day before that, it’s just how my brain worked. I never looked at the big picture. I have been fat for 20 years. That’s a lot of things I’ve missed out on. I’ll never get that time back. That was, and continues to be, hard for me to deal with. 20 years gone, I’ll never get that time back.

I did not sleep much Saturday night. I couldn’t stop thinking. That morning, we left Ann Arbor for Cedar Rapids. I had a lot of time to think, more than eight hours. Normally on that drive, I think about a lot of different and random things – or just listen to music. Not this time. On Sunday, I spent a lot of time thinking about what I’ve missed out on over 20 years. Thinking about it all made me really sad. But then, I got mad. I’m still mad. I’m furious. Great, now what?

I’m changing my life.

This is not a goal, this is a statement. It is fact. I am going to lose weight.

How? I’m doing some simple things now.  I’m on my second day of a diet. Nothing outrageous, just watching what and how much I eat. Pop, done. I used to easily down a 2-liter of Mt. Dew a day. Over the past year I’ve been able to reduce that amount and have tried a few times to stop drinking it all together – I failed. I actually craved pop, and I gave in to those cravings. Now, the thought of drinking pop doesn’t appeal to me at all. In fact, it just pisses me off. Sugar water with some crap lemon-lime flavor? I’ll pass. Walking. Now that’s a novel idea. I haven’t done much of that lately because it absolutely kills my lower back and I have a hard time breathing. Oh well. Tuesday marks the second day that I’ve gone for walks. I can’t go very far right now. But, I’ve got to start somewhere.

I don’t know how much I weigh. Ignorance is no longer an option. I am visiting my family doctor, for the first time in many years (I avoided going b/c I didn’t want to hear about my weight), on Friday. I want to know everything. Weight, blood pressure, cholesterol, etc. And, most importantly, I want to hear what my doctor thinks. I’m sure he’ll have some great insight.

Why the blog?

There’s a few reasons. One being, I love to write. I do a lot of writing in my job, but it is in the form of news content, proposals, plans, ideas, etc. I don’t get to do much in the way of open-ended writing. This provides me an outlet.

The second: accountability. When I fail at something, and I’m the only one who knows about it, I justify that failure in my head and don’t really care. I’m sending a link to this site to my friends and family. How can I accept, or even justify failure when those who I care the most about are watching me? I can’t allow myself to fail with an audience, especially one made up of people I care about.

Finally, I’m in a unique position with the platforms I have access to. My hope is that this blog ultimately ends up on the site that I manage, KCRG.com. More people reading this blog makes me accountable to a larger audience. More people could potentially offer advice or ideas. And, who knows, maybe it could help or inspire someone.

I’ll post my weight after each entry, once I know what it is. I’m thinking about taking a picture every day to post, so I can see the progress. I might add videos. I’ve got some work to do on this blog to make it functional, but it’ll do for now.

The goal: 220 pounds.

I’m doing this. I went for a short walk with one of my best friends tonight, afterwards he told me “it might not have been a giant step, but at least you are taking it.” Damn right.

Two days down.